Drama Triangle in Achieving Your Goals

Before we spoke mostly about ourselves, because who if not us is responsible for our own achievements, right?

That was a good place to start, but since this month we are discovering what else can slow us down and/or stop all together, we can't avoid the fact that we are social creatures & interaction with other people can affect us the way we don't always know.

So let's discover how our interactions can make or break us.

DRAMA TRIANGLE

Karpman has described the Drama Triangle - a model of dysfunctional social interactions. It illustrates a power game that involves three roles:

▫️Victim,

▫️Rescuer, and

▫️Persecutor.

Each role represents a common and ineffective response to conflict.

To be honest, I believe that this response isn't limited to a conflict only zone. Some people seem to take it as a constant behavioural manner & it's good for us to be aware of this as well as understand what to do.

For example:

▫️ Victim will wait for life to provide with a better chance, better partner, better job... and blame circumstances for everything they have with a minimal if at all appreciation.

▫️ Rescuer will show off with his knowledge and superiority whether or not it's needed and beneficial. He just can't stop and often pushes too much in order to get that next promotion.

▫️ Persecutor can easily turn into a people hater, lone wolf or a "my way or high way" kind of person, becoming detached from society.

Essentially neither of these positions are beneficial for any type of communication & don't lead us anywhere. As all of them, one way or another, are lacking responsibility and ability to connect, engage for a long time. What is important if we want to have a family, business etc. don't you agree?

WHY COMMUNICATION MATTERS?

An experiment allegedly carried out by Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II in the 13th century saw young infants raised without human interaction in an attempt to determine if there was a natural language that they might demonstrate once their voices matured.

It is claimed he was seeking to discover what language would have been imparted into Adam and Eve by God. The experiments were recorded by the monk Salimbene di Adam in his Chronicles. He wrote that Frederick encouraged "foster-mothers and nurses to suckle and bathe and wash the children, but in no ways to prattle or speak with them; for he would have learnt whether they would speak the Hebrew language, or Greek, or Latin, or Arabic, or perchance the tongue of their parents of whom they had been born.

But he laboured in vain, for the children could not live without clappings of the hands, and gestures, and gladness of countenance, and blandishments.

We are social creatures, whether we like it or not, and being a lone wolf doesn't serve us regardless of how cool this picture might look from a first glance.

& the only place being stuck in one of the roles will leads us to - dramatic distance between us.

---

WHAT TO DO?

It is often believed, that we can not escape the triangle fully. One way or another, at various stages and/or situations in life, we will take one or the other role. One of them might also become more dominant than others, but nevertheless we go through all three of them.

It is suggested that the only thing we can do is to realise our behaviour & stop/change it.

But I believe that we can take it a step further - we can train ourselves to be on, what I call, the other side of Drama :)

During my coaching sessions I take my clients through meditations, where we train your subconscious to find the way out first, so then it becomes much easier in physical, real life situations.

But here is what you can do now to start this journey yourself:

THE OTHER SIDE

The other side has its own roles, or ways of interacting with people:

▫️ Learner,

▫️ Guide, &

▫️ Equal

1. Victim mentality is when you don't see a way out, you have no recourses, don't know how to get them and blame everything else for that circumstance in your life, hoping that someone else will do things for you.

So it's only natural to switch to understanding that things are on you & since now you don't know how to get the resources that you need, you can switch your frustration into willingness to learn.

- What don't I know/see/understand here?

- What & how can I learn it?

Soak up any knowledge you will come across, learn to implement it & you will indeed learn something new everyday, keeping your brain young & strong hehe

2. Rescuer wants to be helpful & has an ability to do that, but how many people actually like to be told what to do? 🙈 Unless they are permanently openminded Learners, not that many.

So uncontrolled resquing turns into a problem much rather sooner than later. But Guidance does not. Why? Because it's asked for, it's sought.

Like monks, and other wise people of our world, guides don't run after you to make you happy... you seek their guidance yourself & sometimes you even have to persuade them that you are going to be a worthy student.

- What example/role model would I want to be?

- What I'm truly interested in & ready to explore inside out?

- What I'm ready to dedicate my life to?

Don't run after people even with the best suggestions, focus on yourself.

Once you are "full", people will see and feel your strength, wisdom... your influence will require minimum words. They will ask you & you can share your experience, igniting their own thoughts, inspiring them to find the way out, helping them to be the true Learners.

3. Persecutor struggles because often sees everyone below himself.

That's a lonely place to be & often not as high and prestigious as some films show us. "Lone wolf is a silly wolf" my mentor once said & I learned it to be true the hard way.

Regardless of how hard you try there isn't that many things you can do alone successfully. So seeing other people strengths can help you to switch here.

- What people around me are good at?

- What is common between us?

These are the questions that will help you control your emotions & find a common ground for more successful conversation.

---

WHAT'S NEXT

Now you know better & yes, are responsible for yourself only, others should care for themselves... But how to interact with people that don't even want to hear about the other side of triangle?

Well, let's not assume to start :) & first, you can share with them this post and see what happens

♡

Secondly, if you came across a difficult person, start with understanding what position are you actually taking next to them:

▫️ Were you a rescuer in a first place? If so, be an example they will want to ask themselves. But even if they don't, it's cool. Because you are cool with yourself & letting them to be themselves, however they understand it.

▫️ If you fall into a victim role, then maybe it's time to learn something... about them & their needs, new ways of communication, or learn something about yourself & what sort of people are no longer welcome in your life :)

▫️ If you find yourself in prosecutor role next to that person, it's time to find something common you could use as a foundation for future conversations. Maybe they are not as difficult as you thought and what if that is your future bff here ;)

CONCLUSION

You indeed can not be responsible for everyone, but you can make your contribution to your surroundings!

Not only by sharing this post :), but also by taking on board and practicing what you've learned here.

By becoming that role model & leader you know you are born to be.

And by building new sort of communications that will lead you to making your dreams come true so much quicker! What not to love?

Until the next time,

Renata Dar